Clown

A lone world revolves around
and a smile forged on wrinkles
Numbness sings in mute sound
Tears lost in twinkles

A flag of joker, waving
on dead pile of poets
And a masked man living
primes on that roulette

Entertainer just for a sec
and crowd dissolves thin
Earns all what is fake
Accepting the color of sin

All faces changed, but
one remained hidden, same
Life went in a stunt
Possessing none of love, a lil of fame

Longing for some bonds
a pretense for that eye
which knew all along
that existence was a lie

Though crying all memories
acts like under a crown
Teaching the way of life
laughing the curse called clown

A game ... a promise

Do u remember the promise we made
The start of a game that we innocently played
First one to stop talking gonna win the case
And the looser was the award for this kiddish race

Now yes, its over, u dumped me clean
All the rules u hv built, forced u win
Go away, far ... for my heart to cry
But dont forget ur prize, keep me with you
the game was never a lie

Y write

Actually i hate writing ... coz i know less words than t9 dictionary n do not possess ne good literary skills. Also writing without ne interesting (logical and rational) or emotional (which can raise ur heartbeat or make u cry) or humorous (the most difficult part of literature) topic is really waste of time ... mayb not for writers like me, but sure for readers like u. So here is Disclaimer

"Everything that i gonna write is just for me ... n it serves no purpose of entertaining neone else ... its not even amusing for me ... n still my fingers wont stop shitting"

So the reason here is ME... and thats coz i realize something ... i cant stabilize my emotions ... they fucking fluctuate like DC ...

[well emotions should be at least like AC ... slowly changing and they should attend their highest level of voltage .... after that u need a inductor in ur life ... to make it almost constant but to let it resonate.. I think ill write my theory of Electric Emotions in separate blog ... itll shock u]

Back to topic ... i dont hate them all ... i just hate when im having negative voltage ... n theres really no good way for me to remember my +ve thoughts ... so ill be trying to put them here
and will try to remember them ... sometimes words seems to be a good way to define most of the things ....

And the reason to make these things public--

1. I shld be firm on what I hv felt .. its not to comfort me ... just a short backup of my feelings

2. I can decide which ones to make public n which ones to not ... mayb ppl will come to know how fucked up i am

3. Readers can go through this pile of crap n be enchanted ... this is gonna be a Mahakavya :P

4. How many points shld i give to u so u can move to next topic? piss off from here

Missing you

So long, so dry, rejection
On far end u stay
A dream, half heart, precognition
bent in reality, broken, ur way

Whether, in here, in soft mild air?
or are u the warmth in my lung?
Whether, up there, on moon white clear?
or are u the tune we've sung?

Answers hide, in shadowy dust
puzzles, solved but due
Why the promise to the late dusk
that "wont ever forget you"

A smiling statue i seek
stones known, diamonds sly
The heart misses a beat
ur planned last min goodbye

And wishing the hold, the hand
static, cold, few grains of sand
Cant take it all, in my fists
Slipping it all, on a treasured island

Now just a wish to keep, my ground
but the sea cries, deep, drown
Relive, reload, redo
knowing i can swim, a lost sound
pulls me up, sea tears keeping down,
Coz "I really miss you"

The abyss, and the half naked mermaids
All shades of ur mask, ur face
redefine moments, enchanted first-aid
on the addiction, on my chase

Drinking the truth, living a lie
legs shiver of an old hangover
fallen steps, no jumps, a long fly
only an image making me sober

At that tick, standing still
leaving me, the world, my dreams too
the barish phase, unknown will
And "I miss missing you"

----------------------------------------

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So my angel

Will you let me hold
Just a small part of u
Will you let me steal
Just a lil heart of u
Let me be the autumn
The cruel one, slowly freezing u
Or Im afraid
"I might miss not missing you"

My deathwish
"I might die not kissing you"

lil of a truth

White orchids on the red rotten soil
red fumes, red rain, red flowers of doom
Fragrance of those ruins, vision recoil
killing spree for our tears in bloom
Gardening the graveyard, we sang the Flood
Death of the dead, life that recurse
We smell it all, still we inhale this world
Theres lil of a breath, in all of us

Tower of Babylon, centering the dreams
dammed flow, directions, throw away feelings
First of recreation, down under screams
buried past of chains and human ceilings
Burning the utopia, we cried some blood
Touch of an angel, hammer of a curse
We pray it all, still we build this world
Theres lil of a god, in all of us

Jungle of falling trees, numb parasites
No water, no light, no mercy slaughter
Bunched axes, accompanying dynamites
A hunt for self, in memories of other
Searching the heaven, we found the mud
A lotus of lust, a lone universe
We hate it all, still we live this world
Theres lil of a love, in all of us

(The end is incomplete ... coz it has to end in love :P)